fuknukl

…gosh

Did it again. Huh.

…missed a year. Oh well.

Memories.

If I never meet you
In this life
Let me feel the lack
A glance from your eyes
Then my life
Will be yours

It’s taken some time, but I feel I’m finally finding my way through the seemingly impermeable layer of human detritus that swarms about this industry. People who are so ready and willing to use and discard colleges, willing to take the hard work of others, running as fast as they can.

It’s so hard not to dehumanise these people. When I look at a person I can’t trust, I always feel the need to walk quickly away. I don’t want anything to do with them. I can’t co-exist with people who are so dishonest in themselves on such a fundamental level.

It makes things difficult when there appears to be so many about.

I’m starting to learn when I’m about to get stitched. The blank stares and non responsiveness to direct questions. The blustering over of expressed doubts.

I can spot them now, usually. Some still surprise me, as I still trust too easily. And I hate that part, not trusting initially any more. Body-snatchers.

Anyway, things are improving. I have found people worthy of trust, who are very talented and want to work together to create good things. It feels good. And plans, of so many plans. Maybe some will be realised. Maybe I didn’t make a mistake coming back.

Time passes, images of life.
I have saved it all, here in me.
All carefully marked, and set aside.
It’s weight barely lets me stand.

Sometimes it’s really difficult to take the world seriously. I’d never thought I would still lay in bed awake, late at night, wondering at how many people seem to function in a cloud of confusion. I can’t watch commercial TV any longer, it’s just a bizarre circus of ignorance and idiocy, repeats and remakes, and tales of the same horrible mistakes in human relations made over and over again.

So many furious and bewildered people pushing and shoving their way through life, doing their best to drown out any dissent. Listening I just wonder why? What are you so scared of, what do you find that is so counter to your chosen cognisance that you feel driven to impose such a harsh punishment on others?

I just have to turn off. There is really nothing else you can do. Ripping the bucket off their head just makes them even more scared. Meh…

Another old favourite.