fuknukl

Another old favourite.

Still so good after so many years…

Homemade. Spicy. Indescribable, truely. Combine with a freerange omelette and cracked black pepper. Good gods. Yes.

You’re still there you know. I still sometimes fall asleep wondering; I still wake sometimes wishing. Random momentary triggered memories. A face passing in a sea of many.

Slowly, I’ve tried to wall up all memory, excised each connection one by one. For the longest time I’ve crushed every thought with such emotional violence that the world would seem to ripple around me at the impact. And yet you remained.

Perhaps though, it’s not you. Perhaps it’s just another of Mnemosyne’s japes, wearing your aspect. I can no longer tell. She does love a good joke.

It seems such a simple idea, to trust. So simple a concept. But this life is built on it. Without it, you have nothing.

To live without is such anathema to me. And to have it broken time again gives me such an ache. But I cannot do without, it is everything, so I continue.

The failures make me sad for a time, I wonder at why some act as they do, closed to the best part of the world. But the successes, they make me feel I was placed on the right planet after all. That makes me smile.

It can’t be described here. The emotive responses are just not transcribable through words alone. You would need to hear the voice, and see the expression to even grasp a small part of the synaptic explosions created. Or do it yourself.

I’ve always thought that as I grew older I’d mellow, but no, now I just know I can get away with it. Perhaps I’m smarter about it, at least I seem to pick up fewer injuries, but the urge is still overwhelming. Everything is still reduced to that instant.