• Memories

    I have a strange affliction. I remember things. Something that may have happened twenty or more years ago, I can recall it as if it happened yesterday. Not perfectly, but the important parts are there, emotion, images, often in intense detail. It often makes many things difficult for me to deal with.

    I’ve never been able to decide if it’s a curse or a boon. It has helped me endlessly in a practical sense; remembering where I put my keys when distracted, I just play it back. When it comes to human interaction, this where it seems to be a curse.

    Most people can’t do this, I’m pretty sure. I often watch people struggle to remember what to me appears something seemingly simple to do.

    One way it sometimes causes problems with others is in when someone realises I remember so many details about them, they start to think I might have some strange obsession. Many times I might pretend to forget things, just to avoid this. Other times I pretend to forget to save them embarrassment, or myself difficulty over some lie or deception.

    With myself it causes problems when trying to get past traumatic or emotional events. The feelings never dull, and if I can’t avoid thinking about them, I fall straight back into whatever mode I was in at the time. Sometimes this feels more like I have a disability rather than a properly functioning brain.

    The next problem is that the memories are not necessarily accurate, as they can only reflect what I felt and knew at the time. Trying to wedge new information into past memories, or overlay a new experience doesn’t seem to work very well. Each memory seems to be a discrete event, though linked to others, often with conflicting details, and the one with the strongest emotion becomes dominant, regardless of whether it’s outdated by newer.

    I hate it sometimes. Other times I would not want to be without it. It makes some seemingly simple tasks difficult and complex, while simplifying so many others.

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